Good morning folks,
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IT'S FRIDAY!
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Or is it "Its Friday"? Well let me clear this up right now before going any further:
ITS is a possessive pronoun meaning 'belonging to it'. An example in a sentence would be "The dog licked its own ass and it was disgusting."
IT'S is a contraction of IT and IS. An example of this would be, "It's funny to watch a dog lick its ass." See what I did there? I put in both versions in that sentence; how witty of me.
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Now that the english lesson is out of the way (I think I would make a good English teacher) time to get on with this Musing.
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We had an epic pool night last night. I was on my way home from work tired and hot. The temperature was in the high 20s (High 80s or low 90s if you are working with farenheit) celcius and very very muggy. My phone began to vibrate as I was leaving the downtown core and I clicked on my bluetooth headset. Thankfully it was my wife calling and not someone from work. She wanted to let me know that there were people over at our house and everyone was going for a swim in the pool. Jealous of their joy, I decided to gun it home as fast as possible so I could have some time to enjoy the pool with them. Little did I realize that on this particular day, the drive home was going to be just as boring as it is every other day.
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At first the traffic started off slow. We got onto the highway and began to pick up some speed. The hot pavement under my tires was sorching and you could smell the familiar smells of hundreds of other cars all around you. The white line on our side of the highway began to pass by slowly at first; picking up speed as my foot pushed the gas pedal closer and closer to the floor. Then, without a moments hesitation, my foot went to the brake as the traffic in front of me began to slow and eventually stop. What could be causing the slowdown? Perhaps there was a dead deer on the road or perhaps a seagull shit on someone's windshield and they thought it was a monster on the roof of their car drooling. Perhaps traffic was just moving slow as thousands of other people all were trying to get to their homes the exact same way I was for maybe even the exact same reason. After all, it wasn't just hot for me; everyone was feeling the heat. How many other people received phone calls from their significant others to come home and swim? Surely I wasn't the only one.
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Traffic was starting to move again so I took my foot off the brake and began to move forward again. I noticed a lone dandilion on the side of the road growing out of the pavement. How could a dandilion grow out of pavement? What was this witchcraft and how could I harness it to make money grow on trees? How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? How do they get that soft flowing caramel inside the... traffic was stopped again.
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This time I noticed the car in front of me had a man and a woman in it; they were conversing back and forth and laughing. I looked over at the empy passenger seat next to me and began to speak to it. I asked it how its day was and whether it was lonely in the parking garage all day. The seat informed me that while it was nice and quiet in the garage, the driver seat kept it company. I gave my head a shake, no way the passenger seat just spoke to me; the sun must be getting to me.
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Traffic was starting to move again and I began to accelerate. This time traffic was really speeding up since we were fully out of the city and there was nothing but forests and fields. I knew I had approximately 10 more minutes of highway driving before I would be close to home; I pressed my foot to the floor and watched my speedometer climb. It wasn't until my speed reached 87 miles per hour that I decided I better slow down. I forgot that I had a flux capacitor installed last week and if I had reached 88 miles per hour I would have gone back in time again; it was nice, but it wasn't something I wanted to go through right now.
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I arrived at my usual exit and left the highway. Traffic was lined up at the end of the exit ramp and as luck would have it, they were all turning the same way I was turning. I knew this light, it wasn't a very long one. Judging by the line of cars I was going to be there for at least 3 green lights. I turned up the radio just in time to hear the radio announcer mention the temperature outside. Beads of sweat were starting to form on my brow and the heat and moisture began to wrap around me. I began to panic as the inside of my car began to shrink; or maybe I was growing. Thankfully the traffic was starting to move so I put my foot on the gas; the gas pedal felt so small under my gigantic foot. Was I still growing or was the car shrinking? I looked around me and noticed all the other cars were growing and the people inside them were shrinking; would the cars slowly increase in size until eventually they covered the entire planet? Why was my car shrinking while the other... traffic was stopped again as the light went from amber to red. I gave my head a shake. This heat was starting to warp my mental reality. I was slowing starting to go insane. If I was forced to sit in this car much longer, I know for a fact I would be a raving loonie by the time I made it home. Traffic was moving again; this time I wasn't going to stop no matter what. Even if the light turned red I was still going; I needed to keep moving. The light began to change amber to red and we were stopped again. I eyed the car in front of me; the driver was so short I don't think they could even see over their steering wheel. There was one other car in front of them making me the third car from the intersection. I waited patiently trying to clear my head of all thought. I tapped lightly on the steering wheel as I tried to use my Jedi powers on the person in front of me. Of course I couldn't use the force for evil so all I could do was pat them on the head. I began to laugh as the person in the car ahead of me began to wave their arms around trying to slap away the invisible fly they thought was landing in their hair. I love the force, you can do so many fun things with it.
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The light turned green and the traffice began to move; unfortunately the person in front of me was still swatting at an invisible fly and didn't notice the light change. I started to panic. I hit the horn, the person in the car ahead of me stopped flailing and looked at me through their rear view mirror. The person in front of me was an old lady, I was doomed. The light changed from amber then to red and the old lady put her hand out her window, extended the middle finger and then drove through the red light sped through the intersection just in time to avoid the traffic.
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Finally the light turned green after what seemed like hours. I sped ahead made my turn and was on the home stretch. There were only 2 more traffic lights between here and home and they were almost always green. Of course, as luck would have it, they were both red. As I was driving down that final lane that lead to my driveway I took a moment to reflect on my drive home. Just another boring drive that nobody would care about. While each day is different, each drive home is almost always the same.
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Today it was a little old lady, tomorrow it will be a big greasy man behind the wheel of a tow truck. Either way, the drive home is so boring you can see why I never wrote about it before; chances are, I never will again.
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Cheers,
Al
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