v26.1: The Coffee Burns - 16

Good morning folks,

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Day 16!  I'm nearly 18% of the way through P90X and I am starting to feel great.  Each week it gets easier and as we start on Week 3 I find I have more endurance and more strength to do the exercises I need to do to get back in shape.  I feel energized and ready for next week when the whole workout schedule is changed as we move into the "Muscle Confusion" stage.

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Have you ever had a coffee explode in your hands?  I know it sounds odd but this morning I had something happen to me that I have never had happen before; my coffee cup literally exploded in my hand while driving into work.  I don't know how but it was as if the chemical components of the coffee cup reacted and became volatile when it came in contact with the coffee and then when I put pressure on the outside it exploded outwards; all over me.

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Thankfully I was at a stop light when this happened but I did get a few laughs from the cars stopped near me.  I can only imagine the scene from their perspective.  Here is this guy slowly peeling back the lid of his coffee cup and as he's bringing the cup up to his lips the windows are immediately covered with coffee.  As the coffee begins to drain down the windows there is the guy sitting in his seat holding up what remains of his coffee cup, covered head to toe in coffee as it drips from his hair and nose.  He slowly turns his head to the side to see if anyone saw.  Laughter ensues and someone else's day just got a whole lot better.

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Needless to say, I was not impressed.  I began to search my car for something to wipe the windows (and myself) off with.  The windshield had this "film" of coffee on it and as luck would have it, the light just turned green and traffic was starting to move.  I hit the windshield wipers in hopes that this would be the time they would wipe the inside of my windows; no luck there.  I began to drive pulling the sleeve of my coat over my hand and began to frantically wipe the windshield down.  As luck would have it, I have a water proof coat so all I managed to do was smear the coffee around making it harder to see.  Imagine driving in the winter with a broken windshield wiper and no windshield washer fluid; that was me this morning.

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Of course I made it to work ok and made my way downstairs to the only clothing store I could find and wouldn't you know it; they only sold women's clothing.  I had two choices, sit in coffee stained clothes all day or pick up some women's slacks and a t-shirt and hope nobody noticed.  I walked in and began to walk around the store as if I was looking for something for my wife.  I was approached by a somewhat hesitant sales clerk who asked me if there was anything she could do for me.  She was looking me up and down and she had this look on her face like she just caught a whif of an egg fart.  I calmly looked the lady in the eye and said that I was just browsing for something for my wife.  I told the lady that it was my wife's birthday and I had neglected to pick her up something nice so I had decided to get her a nice pair of pants.  The lady, looking somewhat relieved, began to show me some of the pants she had in the store.  Why in God's name does every pair of women's pants have to look like women's pants?  WHY!?  I found a pair that would look the most "normal" and asked the nice lady if they had anything in a bigger size.  Her eyebrow raised slightly and I had to explain quickly that my wife was larger than normal and was approximately my size.  By the look on the clerk's face I knew she now understood and she began to show me the XXL section of the store.  Of course it was basically two pairs of pants; hot pink denim (who the hell makes hot pink denim???) and something with frills around the ankles.

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I decided that I had no money.  As I was getting ready to head to the checkout with my hot pink denim pants, I remembered that my wife had my bank card and I was without cash.  I gave the clerk the pants and told her I was sorry but I wasn't feeling well and said I would be back later to pick up the pants.  I ran out of the store and outside to get some air.  By now my clothes had dried somewhat and now my clothes were stiff.  I slowly made my way to the office and fumbled for my ID card which I needed to open the secured doors.  Of course I had forgotten it at home.  I had to make my way over to the other building where our receptionist sat and get a temporary pass for the day.  After arriving back at my office I badged in and came over and sat at my desk.  The first thing I wanted to do was muse while it was fresh.  Of course the details are "burned" into my brain so it was easy to recollect.

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I have been sitting here for the last 40 minutes and then finally someone shows up and asks me why I'm here.  I looked up at them and told them I was working.  They gave a small chuckle and stated that they thought I had the day off.  My face drained of all blood as I opened my calendar and looked.  Sure enough, June 2 was blocked out, I had booked the day off.

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I slowly stood, put on my coat and made my way to my car.  I opened the door, sat in the puddle of coffee that had collected on my leather seats, started the engine and drove home.

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Of course none of this happened.  Who wants to read about my boring drive into work?  This was much more fun to write and a lot more fun to read I bet.

Cheers,
Al