Monday, September 24, 2012

v43.1: Yawn

Good morning folks,

A wise man once told me, "You can never catch up on lost sleep.  If you try, you will only end up being lazy."  I would have to disagree :)

Thankfully God created coffee, otherwise I would never make it through my days.  There's just something about the smell and taste of coffee that seems to just wake you up in the morning (or afternoon or evening).  Of course not all coffee is created equal and recently I was introduced to a new way of making coffee.  I thought it might be a fun exercise for you at home to attempt to make this coffee along with me.  I've broken it down into 10 easy steps and if done correctly, will yield the most amazing cup of coffee you have ever had.

What you need

  • Coffee beans (any kind will do though you may want to go with the cheap kind your first time around until you get the process down)

  • Coffee grinder (preferable one you don't mind throwing away after)

  • A bowl (see note for coffee grinder)

  • Patience (good things come to those who wait?)

  • Small tin of soft cat food (you know where I'm going with this)

  • A cat (your own or a neighbour's cat will do fine.  As you get the process down, you may want more than one cat for mass production)

The process

  1. First you will want to take the coffee beans and get them prepared.  You might also want to ensure you have not fed the cat yet today to ensure the beast is hungry enough to eat what you are about to feed it

  2. Take the tin of soft cat food and begin to fill it with the coffee beans.  If you have a smaller cat, you may want to cut the beans in half to ensure they are swallowed whole.  It is very important that your cat eats the beans whole and does not chew them.

  3. Take the cat food full of the "ninja" beans and place it on the floor (in a bowl preferably) and watch as your cat (or your neighbour's cat) begins to slowly sniff the food trying to figure out what it is.  Thankfully the cat has not eaten today and it is hungry enough to just about eat anything.

  4. If everything goes as planned, your cat has eaten all the food (beans included) and is resting happily licking its paws and grooming itself in the sun.  A small purr may be heard as the cat is telling you it's happy and thankful to be fed.

  5. This is where your patience comes in.  Now we sit and play the waiting game.  What are we waiting for you ask?  Why we're waiting for the cat to take a shit so we can gather the precious coffee beans that have been sitting inside the cat soaking up all the nutrients and special things there.  Yes, I said "special things".

  6. Once the cat has relieved itself (there may be some discomfort as the beans pass through the cat's ass hole), you may gather the precious pieces and place them into the bowl so they can be cleaned.

  7. Clean the beans thoroughly.  It is very important to clean the beans but not to soak them as that will defeat the purpose of the exercise thereby depriving you of the most delicious cup of coffee you have ever experienced.

  8. Take the recently cleaned beans (not soaked remember) and place them into the coffee grinder.  You can grind the beans as fine as you like.

  9. Brew the coffee in whatever way you enjoy most.  I suggest getting a French press and letting the grinds soak in the water to ensure a rich, flavorful cup of coffee.

  10. Drink and enjoy.

You are probably sitting there staring at your screen in complete disbelief.  I assure you, this is done today.  It's called Kopi Luwak and while you're not actually feeding the cat "beans", I thought it might make things more amusing.

Well folks, I think that is enough for now.  I hope everyone has a great day and remember don't try to feed your cat coffee beans at home :)